Written Excerpt from the Novel The chemical constitution of the TARDIS galley’s ceiling was an excitonic marvel. Composed entirely of a material alien to most periodic tables, it held itself as stainless, dustless and virtually impervious to harm. Somehow, in the course of a standard hour, the Doctor had managed to perform the extraordinary. Its constituent components consisted of a culinary creole. Pancakes, strips of marinated tofu, a custard Danish pastry and tomatoes from the Ship’s Falloean Gardens. All carefully prepared in a non-stick pan. Exquisite. And all presently stuck to the ceiling. In a cobweb of char to rival the London smokestacks of Conan Doyle’s time. “Very well, old girl. Very well.” He placed the pan back on the stove. “I concede you may have a point. Just this once, mark you.” An opprobrious scuffle outside the main double doors brought his attention to his two travelling companions. One donned in a cork hat. The other carrying a ceramic milk jug. Both went flying. The first was a young American botanist called Perpugilliam Brown. Peri to her friends and enemies. She had joined the Doctor what seemed like a lifetime ago. At the present, she was falling on the second. A whifferdill gumshoe. Monomorphic, on occasion, but nevertheless pleasant. Before the TARDIS, he was known as Avan Tarklu. On their travels, he was called Frobisher. In a vain effort at chivalry, Frobisher had asked Peri into the galley first. Not to be outdone, she’d returned the gesture and beckoned the whifferdill to enter instead. In the ensuing disagreement, both had tumbled through the doorway. Abashed and feeling more than a little conspicuous. The Doctor’s mouth flicked a cat-like smirk. “Certainly one way to work up an appetite.” The rover picked up the cork hat, dropping the milk jug into its inner lining, and placed it next to the stove. “Good morning.” “Hi…” greeted Peri, painfully, climbing up to her feet. “The study was getting cramped.” “With ripe expectations, yeah.” Frobisher righted himself. “Still no go, Doc?” The Doctor placed a hand in his pocket and flourished the other arm at the disaster site around him. “At my best, I could give you the finest delights of Billions Major and Billions Minor. A beautific bonhomie breakfast to salivate the senses. From their native creamberry cakes to imported Gethen beer.” He slapped the counter. “Alas…” “How—?” Peri stopped, cleared her throat and started again. “How long has that been up there?” The Doctor followed her gaze to the ceiling. Small embers of flame, like molten rock, ebbed on the edges of the vulcanised ceiling crêpe. “Oh, quite some time now,” he smiled, sounding quite accomplished. “Ooh…” Peri winced. “Now would be a really good time to move, Doctor.” “Mmn?” asked the time-traveller. Peri and Frobisher pulled him beneath the relative safety of the doorway. From a stand just outside the door, Frobisher handed the Doctor a sky-blue umbrella which the latter deployed with casual disinterest. In the span of half-a-minute, the veritable feast for the travelling trio rained down to the galley floor. String-like eggs, tomatoes with a kinship to gravel and cured custard peelings all embraced the sweet release of gravity. “You’ve got egg on your face,” observed Peri. “That’s an understatement…” the Doctor admitted. “No, no… Frobisher, you’ve actual egg. On your beak.” “What?” The whifferdill looked down at the end of his face. “Where?” Although, it smelt how it looked, he couldn’t quite find it. Peri knelt down onto her haunches and sponged the offending material away with her thumb. Typical of the Doctor’s cavalier piloting, the TARDIS materialised with a floor-shuddering hiccup. Arms clutched at nearby fittings. Shouts were uttered. A chime resounded from the console room to signal the danger had passed. “Ah, splendid.” The Doctor released the umbrella with happy aplomb. “We’ve arrived. Come along.” Hooking it over a forearm, he departed the scene with a breezy rendition of what sounded to Peri like Patsy Ann Noble’s Accidents Will Happen. Peri and Frobisher studied the tableau in silence. Still clutching the umbrella stand, Frobisher dusted himself down and followed. Peri opened her mouth to say something, shook her head and let her legs carry her after the boys. COMING SOON... Early details about Doctor Who - The Alchemists of Fear here
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